How Do You Help Your Child Actor Deal with Rejection?

Help Your Child Actor Deal with Rejection

One of the hardest things a child actor has to deal with in the entertainment industry is rejection. No matter how talented a teen or child actor is, nor how successful he or she is, that teen or child will still have to deal with rejection and disappointment.

Sure, we all face rejection and disappointment in our lives, but actors face so much of it on a regular basis.

As I previously discussed in  “What Benefits Do You Get When You Become a Child Actor?,” one potential benefit of becoming a child actor is that you often learn how to deal with rejection in a positive way.

Take a look at what occurs when an actor is submitted for an acting role:

For any given role, thousands of actors may be submitted, but only a fraction of those submitted actually even get called in to audition.  (These submissions often come from you on Casting Networks/LA Casting or from Actors Access or some other casting service, or from talent agents and talent managers through Breakdown Services.)

Actors audition for many more projects than they book, often competing with hundreds and sometimes even thousands of other actors for a single role in a movie or tv show or play or commercial. And only one person is hired for a role.

So that means the rest of the hundreds (or thousands) are not getting the job.  And most of these will be disappointed and feel at least a little rejected.

Frequent rejection is a big part of an actor’s life, especially for an actor who is just getting started. And no matter how old you are, dealing with that rejection can affect your confidence and feelings about yourself. But for a child actor, dealing with rejection can be especially difficult.

When my daughter was very young, she thought auditions were great fun. Mostly, she was disappointed  when an audition was not long enough for her to get to chat with the casting director or when she did not get to perform as much as she wanted for the casting director. That made taking her to auditions a fun experience for me.

It was not until she moved into her tween years that she started to focus too much on the outcome of  auditions.

I recall so many times that my daughter had her heart set on a particular role.

Sometimes she wanted to audition for a certain role but never got called in to audition for it. Other times she auditioned but did not get a callback, or she got one callback but not a second one. Sometimes she was one of the last two or three or four being considered or even was told the job was hers, but then the job went to another girl.

I remember her asking me on several occasions, “Why don’t they want ME?”

It is very upsetting to hear your child say something like that and see them dealing with the rejection and disappointment. And it is really hard to know exactly what to say or do, especially when you are feeling disappointed, too.

You think your child will be able to handle it. You think you’ll be able to handle it.

But the truth is, it is harder than you think.

There are so many ups and downs — what a roller-coaster ride! When things go well, it is thrilling and exciting, but when things go badly, it can be depressing and almost devastating to your child actor.

You hate to see your child or teen trying to deal with rejection.

So, what do you do?

“How do you help your child actor deal with rejection?”

As a parent of a child actor, one of the roles you take on is that of counselor.  You have to do your best to help your child actor deal with rejection and disappointment since these things go hand and hand with being an actor.

What you say and do and how you view things and teach your child to view things will have a big effect on how your child reacts to rejection and disappointment in the entertainment industry. If you don’t act rejected and disappointed, your child may not feel rejected or disappointed either.

Encourage your child actor to view each audition as an opportunity to have fun and do what he or she loves and also as a learning experience and a chance to meet new people rather than as an interview for a job.

Here are some positive perspectives to share with your child actor to help promote positive feelings about auditions and reduce the feelings of rejection and disappointment:

1. It is a great accomplishment just to get called in for an audition. There is so much competition just to get an audition, that even getting that far is a big deal and something that should make you proud.
2. There are many different acting job opportunities, and if one does not work out, it is okay. Just look for the next one and focus on it.
3. There are many factors that go into the selection process for a role, so you should never take it personally. Your hair color, eye color, height, weight, and how you match up with other actors can all affect the outcome.  Those casting a role are often looking for something very specific, and you may not match what they have in mind. You might just not be right for this particular role.
4. Most actors and actresses spend a great deal of time auditioning before becoming successful. Success does not (typically) occur overnight.
5. Every audition is a performance and a chance to give the casting director a gift of yourself. The audition allows you to show the casting director what you can do. A good performance will be remembered and can result in you being called in for another audition in the future.
6. The casting director wants you to do well and is not a person to be feared. She/he is happy when you do well in an audition.
7. Every audition is a learning experience that can help you become a better actor and auditioner.

Here are some things to do and not do when your child actor gets out of an audition in order to help him or her stay positive:

1. Smile, praise your child, and tell him or her how proud you are. How you react and what you say are very important!
2. Stay positive, no matter how your child is feeling after an audition.
3. Reward your child by doing something fun afterwards, if possible.
4. Don’t dwell on the audition and whether there will be a callback, etc.  Move on and just forget about it, and chances are your child will also!
5. Don’t ask too many questions or criticize your child after an audition.
6. If your child is upset and feels an audition went badly, allow your child to tell you about it if he/she wants to, but don’t force the issue. Be reassuring and let your child know that you will be glad to discuss it whenever he or she wants to do so.  And once again, don’t criticize.
7. Remind him or her that there will be many more auditions to come and to start working for those auditions.

If your child actor is not having much success over a period of time, try to figure out what might be interfering and consider making a few changes:

1. If your child actor is not getting called in for auditions, look into getting some new headshots. Maybe the current ones are not being well-received. Your child’s headshot is important. If you are not sure, consult with a professional to help you decide whether new headshots are worth the expense.
2. If your child is not getting called into auditions, maybe your child needs a (new) talent agent or a (new) talent manager.
3. If your child actor is not getting callbacks, investigate different training and coaching options. If you suspect your child is not having good auditions, maybe some training specifically for auditioning will help. Maybe it is time for a different acting class, teacher, or coach. (Stick with one long enough to see results, though.) Since no coach or teacher is right for everyone, you may have to shop around a little to find what works.
4. Maybe your child actor is not enjoying being an actor and needs a break or wants to give up acting altogether. Take some time to ask your child about this. A child may be afraid to let you know this is true for fear that you will be disappointed or angry, so you have to let them know it is okay to take a break or quit altogether — even if you’ve invested a lot in your child’s career or moved across the country. You should not force your child to continue acting if the love for it is not there.

No matter what, be sure to let your child actor know that it is okay to feel disappointed at a lost job opportunity. At the same time, you want to let your child know, after a short period of time, that it is time to quit moping, move on, and get busy preparing for what lies ahead.

If your child really wants to continue in the entertainment industry, it will be essential for your child to develop a “thicker skin” and learn how to deal with criticism and rejection. Show business can be harsh and cruel and can have negative effects on those who don’t learn how to appropriately deal with the rejection. No one likes rejection, but an actor must know how to easily get past it and move on to the next opportunity.

Just also be sure to let your children know, on a regular basis, how much you love them and how wonderful they are.

To your success,

Debbie Sikkema